yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
