even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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