so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
