i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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