What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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