okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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