I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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