We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
