You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
