Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
