I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
