It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
