just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love you. Go after that dick
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