There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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