i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
