yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i was born a porn star she said
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
