just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
