i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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