Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
