let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
