the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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