I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's shark week go big or go home
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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