So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
