So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
