At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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