once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
