So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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