I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
