Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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