Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
