Can Purell be used as lube?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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