ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
