these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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