Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
