Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
