Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
