wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
