why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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