Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
