Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
