: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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