Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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