i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
