How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
