i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
