i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
