so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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