I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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