she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
pray to the hookup gods
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