Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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