There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
