Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
