Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
