so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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