a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
pray to the hookup gods
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
