My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
