Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
